Depression

Why do I allow myself
To enter the black hole
Why do I let my mind wander
Where it need not go?
Answers to such questions
I do not know.

I worry and I ponder,
I agonize and I fret,
I sit myself down
And put my soul in debt
For things I haven’t done,
And problems I haven’t met.

I don’t really like
These feelings of pain
My useless worry causes me
Again and again.
I must learn to conquer,
To end this vicious reign.

To look in the mirror,
To see myself true,
This is what is needed
What I must do –
Look at myself and say,
“I love you”.

To believe I am good
Inside and out,
To believe I am worthy
Without a doubt.
To know I have a purpose
Is what it’s about.

It’s a rough road,
But I believe I can make it.
Life’s meant to be happy,
It’s just how I take it.
Whatever I do,
I cannot forsake it!

Original poem written January 1, 2000, copyright Erica Lea

I recently came across some poetry that I had stashed away, yet carried with me all these years. Now that I have a blog, I actually have a place to share it:-) The moon photo above was taken tonight. It's the first full moon of the year, aka the "Wolf Moon".

My Poor Neglected Blog

I love my blog. I love writing on my blog, adding photos, making a footprint on the web… So, how is that I haven’t posted anything for the past two months?

I can hem haw around and say, “Where does the time go?”, “I’ve just been too busy!”, and so on and so forth. Those excuses do hold a bit of truth, but are, in the end, just excuses. So, how about some honesty? After all, that’s why I started this blog – to chronicle my journey.

The main reason I haven’t written for so long is that I’ve been in a bit of a down cycle. When I get down, I tend not to do the things that might actually bring me back up. I hide. I don’t e-mail friends very often; I don’t want to admit that I’m not in a good spot. It’s part of the same reason for not writing here - I want to be writing that things are going great. I want to say that I’ve mastered the Law of Attraction, and that wonderful things are manifesting in my life. I don’t want to tell anyone that things have gotten pretty rough, and I seem to be losing the ground that I thought I’d gained.

I know more now than I ever have. I know. I also know I have a lot more to learn. What I don’t know is why I’m getting stuck. Why is it so hard to allow myself to be who I really am? Why do I cut myself off from doing what I love? Why do I let fear get the better of me?

Those are the questions for which I’ve been seeking answers. Sometimes, not being able to answer them pushes me down pretty low. The frustration of not “getting it”, of not allowing myself to do everything I know I’m capable of…

Of course, there are up moments, too, thank goodness:-) And, I’m always appreciative for the many blessings in our lives. These are the things that keep me going – that, and I am determined to find the answers to my questions! So, if you hang in there with me, I promise to be a better blogger:-) I’d also love any words of wisdom you have to offer…

P.S. I just added the above photo to our Etsy shop tonight, and thought it was the appropriate choice for here – it’s called, “Let the Light Shine In”.