Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Getting Started

I’ve had this blog waiting for me to write for a while now. I’ve always hesitated, wondering how to get started. Knowing this, it’s hard to believe that I actually love to write! Writing was even a major part of my last career. Part of my hesitation also comes from the fact that once I start writing, I have trouble stopping. So the blog has been here, empty except for my photos running across…

I’ve had trouble on deciding where to begin, too. My mom and I are starting our business now, and I planned to integrate photos of our art and other things on here at the same time. I figured that would be a great way to get the blog ball rolling. Then I read an article, and that article moved me to start my blog now. That article made me believe that sharing some of my life might help someone else. Presumptuous? No, just hopeful.

So, what was this mysterious article? It was this article on Yahoo!: Suicides from financial crisis cause concern. I read this article with great sorrow in my heart for those that felt they had no choice but death. Mind you, I’ll state up front that I don’t think death is a bad thing, and I am not judging anyone who makes that choice – I will be writing more on this. However, I do have a problem with those that choose to take someone else with them – those “someone’s” might have chosen differently if they’d had a say.

My sorrow for the people in the article, and for others who have committed suicide because they are losing everything comes from a deep empathy. It comes from a place of knowing: knowing what it’s like to be there, and knowing that you can survive. Knowing that when you have lost “everything” that there is still something, and that something is way more important than everything. The everything I’m referring to is home, car, job – every material thing that seems like it’s the glue that holds us together. The something is what’s left when the dust settles; that little spark of hope or insanity that can keep us going through the darkest of times.

I’ve read more than once that you should write about what you know. When I write about the darkest of times and surviving, I know. I also know that each and every one of us will measure that time differently. To me, losing everything was and still is a very traumatic experience. The past five years have been a roller coaster ride that I have thought of jumping off of more than once. Yet I’ve kept going, even though I don’t always know why. I’m not afraid of death; I think it’s that I’d really rather get this life right:-) I believe that the Universe gave me gifts/talents and passions, and I want to know what it feels like to utilize them and live life to its fullest. It’s a work-in-progress, to be sure.

I know that when you lose everything that as hard as it is to lose the material things, in the end losing them isn’t what destroys you. What destroys you is the loss of self-respect, of “status” in this world; the overwhelming and seemingly impossible task of rebuilding your life from a lower point than you even knew existed. I’m not going to be Pollyanna and say it’s easy. It’s been almost five years since my mom and I became homeless (after a series of devastating losses), and there are still areas that we haven’t figured out how to make right again. However, five years, and we are still here!

To be continued…

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